Wish, but don't tell others

Today I once again found out, that it's useless to get exited about things. Or actually in my case, I can get exited, but must not tell anyone.

I was supposed to go out with a friend of mine. Last night I spent many hours thinking what to wear for the night out. It really was a hard decision for me. All depended on in which of the 2 possible clubs shall we go. I was happy and exited and fell asleep with a big smile on my face.

Today the friend called and sayed something like this: "I really want to go, BUT my bf is coming to town and besides it will be to cold outside in the evening." I was dissappointed ... Ok, it will be cold, but we would be inside.

Things like this happend to me all the thime. For example: I want to buy a skirt on wednesday. I tell my mom and a friend or 2 about my plan. After that I can be 100% sure that on wednesday I wount get the skirt. There might be something stopping me from going shoping on that day. I may not find the skirt I want or if I find it, there will not be my size. At that poin I will be furstrated and feel low for a few days. If I don't tell anyone and go get the skirt by myself, I will be exited only after the purchase. So there will be no room for dissappointment.

So the conclusion is: I'm alowed to get exited, but not alowed to tell anyone about my great plans untill they are fulfilled.

Even good memories can hurt

Today I was looking through some really old photos. Like real paperphotos.

There was photos of me as a baby, my parents getting married and my grandmother. Also photos of me with blonde hair up to my waist. Now it's balck and really short. There were no sad photos, but I cried ...

This year mom turned 50. She still looks good, but it was sad to see how beautifull she used to look 21 years ago. Even worse was to see and remeber how dad and grandmother used to look. They both have passed away few years ago 6 months apart from each other. Funny thing is that grandma died on my birthday... I never visited their graves, mom took care of the funerals.

I smile when look at the pictures, because remeber the happy moments, when the photos was taken. I cry when realize that dead people can't be brought back to life ...

Love theory: Cheese vs Ham

Last Saturday I went to a party with my best friend. We had fun and drank loads of alcohol. After the perty at her place around 4am we sat in the kitchen talking about my lost love. At the same time my friend was making herself a sandwich. She looked at a piece of cheese and came up with "cheese vs ham love theory.

Everyones first love is like cheese. ( I know sounds bad) It looks good, smells delicious and tastes good. So you may think that there isn't anything better than cheese, because it is perfect in every way. Then you see the ham... First thought is "How can This be better than perfect cheese? It's so diffrent." Only after you dare to taste the ham, you might realize that it is way better. It may not look same as sheese, but it's better in every other way. My friend was trying to say, that it's good to have an opend mind for new things, even when the heart is still aching.

I suppose all of you knew this long time ago, but lookind at my friend waving her hands full of cheese and ham, while talkin about love dilemas was just so funny. On the other hand it probably was funny only because we both was drunk.

I wish everyone a nice day and a wide smiles while making sandwichis.